Tension


Tuesday, July 12, 2016

I have had a lot on my mind recently. A lot of built up tension that just needs to be released.

I don't feel fulfilled in life lately. In most aspects of my life.

My career. I have been at my job for almost 10 years now. I work my butt off. I have put more blood, sweat and tears into this place than I ever thought I would. I have been here for almost 10 years and I have never been promoted. Ouch, that sucks to say out loud. Sure, there were others ahead of me that deserved it first and had more experience, but in the last few years, I know that I should have been promoted. I work extremely hard and don't get in trouble at work. Whereas, others have had huge strikes on their records and have gotten promoted. I feel like I am in a man's world and women here rarely get promoted. In 10 years, only two have been promoted and they are no longer here.

I am constantly told that I was #2 in the promotional opportunity and then when it comes around again, I don't get it. I just don't get this place.

Then I apply for other jobs at other places and I get calls back and opportunities to move on, but with a severe pay cut. I make a decent amount of money and it is hard to compete with it. I could take a small pay cut, but not the $10,000 to $15,000 some are offering. Woe is me and I need something. A promotion, a new job or a new outlook on my job.

My family. Oh how I adore my family and my life, but we have been wrecked with sickness all the time lately. It never seems to end. They get respiratory infections, bad colds, stomach viruses, rosella and hives. Isn't it summer? I thought we would have a break in the sicknesses for awhile. Not only does it consume my sick leave, but we are left with miserable babies, sleepless nights and so much worry. Have you stayed up all night in your children's room because you were so worried about the non-stop vomiting and one of them aspirating? I have. The worry is all consuming.

I am in desperate need of a weekend away with just my husband. No kids. I love my girls more than life itself, but we all need time to reconnect. Time to be husband and wife. Time to sleep in. Time to have peace and quiet when we eat out. Time to be young again without any extra worries.

And lastly, my self image. It's summer and I see so many of my friends flaunting their bodies. Sure some don't have kids and the battle scars that I am so proud of, but I just want to feel comfortable in my skin again. I work out at least three times a week. I have been running each of those days for 40 to 45 minutes and then doing weights. And when I am not at the gym, we take walks (when it isn't 100 degrees outside), I use my Simply Fit Board, stretch and do push ups at home. I have lost all the baby weight. That isn't the problem. I have loose skin on my stomach from carrying two beautiful babies. My butt isn't as toned and perky as it used to be and my boobs are so flat and saggy now.

I am proud of my body for what it has done and know that it takes time for your body to recover from it all. I guess I just get a bit jealous when I see how others bounce back so quickly. I will keep working out (because I love it so much and feel so good after), keep on complimenting myself and in time get those boobs perkier. Just gotta save up.

Thanks for letting me vent and put it all out there. It is hard to write emotional and raw posts like this, but when it builds up and bothers you so much, it is best to just get it out.

18 comments:

  1. Goodness girl. I know that the whole promotion thing really bothers you because we've talked about that before and it just sucks. Those above obviously aren't paying much attention. I'm sorry. There's nothing wrong with needing some alone time with your hubby. We rarely get to do that since we don't live near any family. And regarding self image, that's something most women struggle with. I do and it's tough not to compare but you look so great! Hang in there girl. You've got this.

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  2. Danielle, I am so sorry with all you have going on! I can't imagine working somewhere for 10 years and never being recognized for my hard work with a promotion. And when you add sick girls on top of it it just adds to the stress. I pray that the girls get to feeling back in tip top shape and y'all can enjoy the rest of the summer sickness free! I do love getting time away with Patrick. It's so hard to do but so important. Even if you can get a sneaky 24 hours away! I always am comparing myself to other women.It's so hard not to! Especially when I've got a sister who is a beach body coach with six pack abs..le sigh! Hang in there friend, thinks will turn around soon I just know it!

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  3. I'm so sorry about all the stressors Danielle! It's hard to not feel appreciated at work. I think you're doing the right thing looking into other opportunities and pushing for more promotions. As for the body stuff, I think that's totally normal. There's so much body pressure out there...especially for women. You are stunning and should be so confident! I knows it's easier said than done though. I'm always here if you need to talk/vent!

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  4. Sometimes we just need to get it off our chest.
    I feel ya girl - I've been at my job 24 years. 24 YEARS! & haven't had any movement in position in over 15 years & no raises in this place for over 8 years. AND They took away our health insurance. It's INFURIATING!!!! So I feel ya

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  5. I hear you on the job front. I've actually been able to move up a little in my job, but it's kind of a unique situation. My problem is that the work isn't really fulfilling. But I don't know what I want to do with the rest of my life. Or "what I want to be when I grow up" as I like to call it. Haha! Sorry about all the tough stuff.

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  6. If it makes you feel any better I have been at my job for 15 years and have never gotten a promotion. Try not to beat yourself up on your body image. You are gorgeous! Spending time with your hubby alone is so so important! Hopefully you can find some time soon and reconnect!

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  7. Work not recognizing you stinks, I can't imagine although I have not been at one job that long, that is an accomplishment! We all need to let it out sometimes, no one is perfect and no one has a perfect life. I have the body image issues you have and I don't have any kids, so good for you for looking the best you can after doing something so rare as carrying two babies! Keep your head up and I hope you get that vacation soon. I watched my nieces for my sister and brother in law for them to go on a trip and they couldn't thank me enough. I hope some nice person does the same for you!

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  8. Work is definitely tough! It's frustrating when you put in so much to not get what you deserve out of it! I gained a bit of weight over the last two years and have been working towards getting back to where I feel comfortable. It's a never ending struggle! Good luck! Fingers crossed the sickness stays at bay and you and your husband can get some quality time together.

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  9. I'm so sorry about the work issues. You and I seem to have similar work ethic and I'd definitely feel the same as you if I were in your shoes. It's hard being a woman in corporate America as well. And, girl, I know we all judge our own bodies differently but you seriously look fabulous. I wish my body looked half as good as yours when Mila was your girls' age. I lost the weight quickly, but my body just looked like crap. I know it's easier said than done, but don't be so hard on yourself!

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  10. Those work issues SUCK! I am so sorry about that. Not only that, but when I start feeling crappy about work, I start feeling crappy about home and mom guilt sets in. #thestruggleisreal I also feel you on the whole body issue. It can be so frustrating especially when putting in hard work to get to where you want to be. And, I hope you are able to get away soon with your husband. Sorry about all of this stress.

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    1. That is what I am going through right now. The mom guilt is setting in for sure. Thank you for your sweet words.

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  11. I'm so sorry, Danielle. I know how much work has been bothering you & how much hard work you put into your position. As for the alone time with your husband, that is so important & I hope you get it very, very soon! Luke & I have a weekend away in October & I'm so looking forward to it!

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  12. Oh Danielle, I knew that work was bothering you, but I didn't realize that it was that bad. Shame on those people for not giving you a promotion in ten years! That's just insane! I do understand your predicament about not wanting to give up the money to go somewhere else, though. Gosh, that's a really tough decision.

    As for the sickness thing, ugh, I totally feel you, girl. That was our summer last summer. Both kids stayed sick non-stop the entire year in 2015 pretty much. Luckily Jacob has pretty much grown out of it now to where he only gets sick about the same amount of time that any average person gets sick, and Olivia's immune system seems to be getting stronger as well. For a while there, she was sick with something at least once a month - croup, colds, ear infections, stomach viruses, you name it. It was ridiculous. Her sickness seems to be slowing down now, though. Fingers crossed that the girls' immune systems start kicking in soon!

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  13. I completely understand not feeling fulfilled...esp in a male dominated career! It's hard if you're surrounded by people that don't take you seriously. I'd say if you find something else you really want to do then it's well worth the pay cut! Money is not worth your happiness.
    I also feel you on the sickness, that's exactly what we went through when Sebastian was in daycare. It didn't get better until we took him out. Another thing that's well worth the money, finding a smaller daycare/babysitter or working less so they're not in it as much. It's a lot easier to deal with illness when they're older and can communicate.
    I think you guys should take that weekend away up here in Portland! :) love & hugs!

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    1. I completely agree. We just have to figure out our options.

      I would like to find a smaller daycare or babysitter too. I do love the girl's teacher though. She is pretty amazing.

      Oh we are definitely coming to Portland. We have to. We miss you guys too much!

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    2. Awesome I hope you guys make it soon!

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  14. So sorry you're going through all of this! The work thing just flat out sucks, and you deserve better!

    I know the girls being sick all of the time is not fun but just know it will get better in time (I know that doesn't help now) - but if I just tell myself that things will get better sometimes that helps me get through it.

    Oh and I totally feel ya about going away with the hubby! Me and the hubby haven't been alone in 6 years!! We've never left our kids, and no one has really ever offered. I would love a weekend away! I hope you get yours!

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  15. I'm sorry you're feeling this way. It absolutely sucks when you feel like you can't catch a break. I'm in the trenches with you so I don't have many words of motivation to offer, except to remind you that we will both get out of it be it through something actually changing or just through feeling differently about our situations.

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