I have had a lot on my mind recently. A lot of built up tension that just needs to be released.
I don't feel fulfilled in life lately. In most aspects of my life.
My career. I have been at my job for almost 10 years now. I work my butt off. I have put more blood, sweat and tears into this place than I ever thought I would. I have been here for almost 10 years and I have never been promoted. Ouch, that sucks to say out loud. Sure, there were others ahead of me that deserved it first and had more experience, but in the last few years, I know that I should have been promoted. I work extremely hard and don't get in trouble at work. Whereas, others have had huge strikes on their records and have gotten promoted. I feel like I am in a man's world and women here rarely get promoted. In 10 years, only two have been promoted and they are no longer here.
I am constantly told that I was #2 in the promotional opportunity and then when it comes around again, I don't get it. I just don't get this place.
Then I apply for other jobs at other places and I get calls back and opportunities to move on, but with a severe pay cut. I make a decent amount of money and it is hard to compete with it. I could take a small pay cut, but not the $10,000 to $15,000 some are offering. Woe is me and I need something. A promotion, a new job or a new outlook on my job.
My family. Oh how I adore my family and my life, but we have been wrecked with sickness all the time lately. It never seems to end. They get respiratory infections, bad colds, stomach viruses, rosella and hives. Isn't it summer? I thought we would have a break in the sicknesses for awhile. Not only does it consume my sick leave, but we are left with miserable babies, sleepless nights and so much worry. Have you stayed up all night in your children's room because you were so worried about the non-stop vomiting and one of them aspirating? I have. The worry is all consuming.
I am in desperate need of a weekend away with just my husband. No kids. I love my girls more than life itself, but we all need time to reconnect. Time to be husband and wife. Time to sleep in. Time to have peace and quiet when we eat out. Time to be young again without any extra worries.
And lastly, my self image. It's summer and I see so many of my friends flaunting their bodies. Sure some don't have kids and the battle scars that I am so proud of, but I just want to feel comfortable in my skin again. I work out at least three times a week. I have been running each of those days for 40 to 45 minutes and then doing weights. And when I am not at the gym, we take walks (when it isn't 100 degrees outside), I use my Simply Fit Board, stretch and do push ups at home. I have lost all the baby weight. That isn't the problem. I have loose skin on my stomach from carrying two beautiful babies. My butt isn't as toned and perky as it used to be and my boobs are so flat and saggy now.
I am proud of my body for what it has done and know that it takes time for your body to recover from it all. I guess I just get a bit jealous when I see how others bounce back so quickly. I will keep working out (because I love it so much and feel so good after), keep on complimenting myself and in time get those boobs perkier. Just gotta save up.
Thanks for letting me vent and put it all out there. It is hard to write emotional and raw posts like this, but when it builds up and bothers you so much, it is best to just get it out.