A Rough Night


Tuesday, January 26, 2016

You ever have one of those evenings where it literally kicks you in the ass? That was last night. The girls were pretty good when we got home from daycare and work. We did our normal routine of cleaning the bottles, putting away the dishes and letting them crawl around the dining room while I readied their neubulizers. Sutton went first and Avery just watched and played. Easy.

Avery went next and Sutton seemed in pretty good spirits. She was looking at herself in the mirror and entertaining herself. Then she started to meltdown. No worries, we don't have much time left. I finished Avery's neubulizer and had to clean them. Sutton continued her meltdown until I could take them to their room to play while I prepped bottles and got everything ready.

I could hear squeals, the sounds of their toys and general laughter. Thank goodness. But then the meltdowns started again. You see Monday's are tough in our household because the girls are used to having us all weekend and then they go back to daycare. So their routine is thrown off again and Monday evenings can be tough, but do able. We know it is going to happen, so we are prepped for it.

I changed the girls, got them ready for bed and fed them. While they were drinking their milk, I lotioned them up and sang them songs. (Maybe that is what did them in, ha). Right after they were done, they got fussy again so I put Avery down first (since she finished her bottle first) and then Sutton.

All was well for a couple of minutes. Then Avery went into her "sit up mode". She is beyond exhausted, but won't lay down. She flips on her tummy, pulls herself up and sits and cries if I leave the room. I put her back down, rub her back for a few minutes and leave. Bam, she is screaming again.

So I come back in knowing I will be rubbing her back for maybe 10 minutes like the night before (the previous one to that was only 2 - 3 minutes). 20 minutes in and she is still flipping on her tummy, still won't settle down and I am feeling helpless. I try to rock her to sleep. No good. I decide to let her cry it out (like some have suggested since it is probably just a phase).

I let her CIO for 10 minutes before going in, picking her up, taking her in the dining room (where I can see her while I cook) and I yelled at her. Total mommy fail. I feel like the worse mom EVER. I yelled "just go to f'ing (didn't say the actual word) sleep Avery". The look on her poor face did me in. I cried and felt like scum, but I was at my wits end. I am doing this all alone this week and it is hard to manage it all and keep it together. Worst mom award here.

I put her down and she just wailed, put her head down on the ground and rubbed her eyes. I know she was tired, but wouldn't sleep. I just didn't want her to wake her sister in the process of her meltdown. Feeling defeated, I turned off the stove, cradled her in my arms and took her into her room where we sat for a good 20 minutes just holding her tight. She just stared up at me while I felt sad (for yelling at her) and so loved in that moment (because she only wanted me).

She was still awake when I put her in her crib, but she fell fast asleep. I don't know what I did or if God gave me a little break at that moment, but I am so thankful.

I was able to make dinner and finish by 9 (not ideal) and cuddle down with a glass of wine and The Bachelor.

I wrote on my local multiples mom group (Facebook) for advice for the future since I have the girls to myself til Friday and I want to nip this in the butt ASAP. Can't be having a stressed out baby and mommy. Plus I have the worst headache behind my right eye this morning. Lack of sleep, screaming and stress will do that to you.

But the ladies recommended letting her CIO until she falls asleep. She eventually will and it will get better each evening. She is going through a phase and she will self sooth eventually.

Do any mommies out there have any advice for me? Any recommendations? They wear sleep sacks, have a night light, have a noise machine, have a heater and a humidifier. This has only been going on for about 4 nights now, but I want to fix this now before I lose my sanity from lack of sleep and stress.

But then this morning they were so cute, cuddly and happy that it washed last night away.
  Sweet Avery
Sutte Bear

15 comments:

  1. Aw, I'm so sorry Danielle...so stressful. Ben went through a bad regression awhile back, but nothing I did seemed to make much difference. I know that's not at all helpful, especially since you are alone for the week. I hope things settle down for you and someone has some great advice!

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    1. Thank you. It would be easier if my husband was home because we could take turns soothing her, but when it is me, I am left to do it alone, still make dinner, keep my sanity and entertain our dog. Just a rough night. I hope it is just a phase. A short phase, haha.

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  2. I once yelled at Fynnlee when she was sick. She cried for 2 solid hours and then I yelled at her. And then I cried for 2 hours. Don't beat yourself up about it. I wish I had some advice. I don't know how parents of multiples let one CIO. My kids can sleep through a lot but eventually they wake up. And the only thing worse than one screaming baby...is TWO screaming babies. I'm anxious to hear what advice you get. God knows I'll be needing it soon enough! Good luck!

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    1. That is exactly my thoughts. I am ok with letting one CIO but eventually the other will wake up. And that is worse. You are very right in that manner. And I am glad I am not the only one who has yelled at her baby in frustration. Makes me feel a little more human.

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  3. I've been there, the yelling and everything. You are NOT a bad mom. We had a nice stretch where it was painful to get Mila to fall asleep at night. Once she fell asleep, we were golden. But the actual act of falling asleep was a nightmare. Some nights, we'd have to rock her until she fell asleep, lay her down, she'd wake up, then repeat, then army crawl out of the room. Some nights, we gave up for sanity's sake and did let her cry it out. There will be rough nights but it will get better, I promise. Hang in there and good luck this week!

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    1. Thank you. I do feel like you have to crawl, creep out or be so stealthy. And my dog (he is about 18 pounds) came tromping in and I got so mad because she instinctively turned toward him ruining the progress I made. I just hope it gets better. Especially being at home by myself. There is no one to help or take over when you can't do it anymore.

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  4. Oh girl I totally understand!! Drew is gone by 6 am and the kids aren't up yet. He isn't usually home until around 6:30 each evening, so I'm a single the majority of the time until weekends. I don't fault Drew for that because it's his job. But damn does it make days LONG sometimes. I have yelled at both mine before and immediately feel horrible and like scum. You see that look on their faces and it just breaks you. I hate when I do that and immediately fix it, but you can't take it back which sucks. Sometimes it just happens. Emmy has been crying as soon as I lay her down for naps or bed. She no longer gets to nurse which frustrates her. 90% of the time she cries for a few minutes and then goes to sleep. Otherwise I have been making her cry it out. It doesn't last long and she's learning that when she's in her bed it means sleep. Hang in there momma! You are a great one and those girls are so lucky!

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    1. That is a tough schedule being alone because those are almost the hours my girls are up. 6 am until 7 pm.

      I am glad I am not the only one who has yelled at my girls before. I just feel awful about it. I still do, but I guess that makes us better parents because we recognize our faults, fix them and even feel guilty about them.

      I want to do the cry it out more too because she will learn, but I don't want to wake up the other. So there is a fine line on how long I can do it. And this is recent. She used to go down easily. Now she wants to sit up, but not play, or anything. She just wants to scream. Ha.

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  5. Oh Danielle, you are a great mom! You are under a lot of stress this week so I don't blame you for getting frustrated. I know that won't make you feel any less guilty, but those babies love you and they know that you love them too!

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    1. Thank you. That helps more than you know. Sometimes I don't feel like I am doing a good job or I have the hang out this (even 13 months out), so it is nice to hear that others think/know I am doing a great job and being the best mom I can be.

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  6. I can assure you that you are such a good mom and no one can say otherwise. It is so natural to get as frustrated as you did and I know its not ideal and you feel bad its just the way it is. Is it because your hubby isn't there? Because that used to happen to my little cousin. She was used to both her mom and dad being there and when he went away her routine was off!

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    1. Thank you. I am not sure if her random outbursts are because he is gone or not. It could be teething (though she doesn't act up really when she teeths), missing her daddy, too tired or something. I am at a loss. But you are probably right with her routine being off. I hope tonight goes better. And I will let her CIO longer and see if that helps. Lord help me if she wakes up her sister and I have two screaming babies. Wine night it is. haha.

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  7. Hang in there, Mama! I'm sorry you had such a rough night. Hopefully, this phase will pass soon!

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  8. I don't have any kids of my own, but I did help raise my youngest brothers (20 years between myself and the youngest). My step-mom was stationed overseas when the youngest was a baby, so I was on "Mom duty" the majority of his life. Albeit, I only had one toddler to pay attention to at a time! We always did a calm-down sort of routine. Bath, bottle, book, prayers, hugs and kisses goodnight. After the bath, I would turn the lights down low to put the lotion and pajamas on. No television or other noise. I finished the routine in low light before laying him down. If he cried, I'd typically let him cry it out for a good 20-30 minutes before I went back in. Very seldom did he not eventually cry himself to sleep. I know every kid is different, so that was just my experience. I hope you forgave yourself for the moment of frustration. If babies get to have tantrums, parents do too! :)

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    1. Thank you so much for your insight. I let Avery CIO yesterday for awhile and she cried herself to sleep. I was worried she would wake her sister, but she didn't. This time, haha. We do have a great bedtime routine very similar to what you shared with me. Bedtime routines are key for sure. And thank you so much for making me feel better about my moment of frustration.

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